How to Survive An Evil Cult (Humor)
Below are several simple secrets for wicked cult leaders plus members:
Pick 1 belief plus remain with it. Dilettantism is the mark of a amateur.
Familiarize oneself with all the requirements for sacrificial victims, plus guarantee which unacceptable substitutes can not be unexpectedly introduced into the ceremony.
If the penalty for not-to-specs function is death and/or mutilation, consider functioning for a more fault-tolerant deity.
Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct pronunciation of the deity’s name inside the confidentiality of the own area before chanting it inside public. Flash cards are usually helpful.
Before agreeing to impregnation with a supernatural being, investigate the survival rate of the different ladies that have undergone the process.
Never invoke anything bigger than a head.
Eschew deities whose fans are all young; these belief groups generally employ an unpleasant retirement process.
Avoid all cabalistic jewelry over 10 pounds inside fat – it attracts unwanted attention from travelers, policemen, different supernatural creatures, plus is downright risky throughout thunderstorms. Its jingling furthermore seems to inform the hero of the approach.
Citronella candles might not be chosen inside rituals. I cannot strain this enough. Pastel colored candles inside the form of cute animals are like direct sunshine to the Powers of Darkness.
Fluorescent light is pretty annoying to many netherworldly creatures.
When the Black Mass goes wrong, avoid the Evil Priest. Enraged demons constantly choose the pompous.
When a religious artifact starts emitting light, CLOSE YOUR EYES. Thousands of cult members might be saved each year when they followed this easy protection tip.
When mutilating cattle, avoid the ones with testicles.
During ritual losing, taking pieces house for later is today mostly considered “bad shape.”
Contrary to historic belief, drugs plus invocations never blend. Whenever the ritual goes wrong, it is actually vitally required to be capable to discern amongst the gibbering monstrosity to pump full of silver bullets as well as the gibbering monstrosity which can fade away following a some hours, several B complex, along with a wise hot shower.
Piety plus belief are effective details, plus limited forces inside nature, may stand against 1 that is true to his belief, his god/goddess, as well as the deal prepared inside exchange for the soul. But, it is actually furthermore true which gods tend toside with all the heaviest artillery, thus be prepared to change sides at the drop of the hat.
For those cases where a fresh, living, sacrifice is not accessible, the lower ranks of demons is misled by microwaving a earlier frozen amount of ex-victim plus cleverly jiggling it. But, the mock victim sculpted from SPAM is unacceptable.
Instead of choosing human victims that are young, virginal plus innocent (plus tend to come out to function as the Hero’s girlfriend), see in the event you could replace mass murderers, lawyers, plus others that won’t be missed.